Because I don't know love
by NicoleLiu
Summary: Sakura has become opposed to relationships and her newly returned teammate couldn't agree more. They must confront their feelings to take on there biggest challenge yet the foreign world of marriage.
1. Chapter 1

Hey well this suddenly popped into my head and my friend told me that it had some sort of potential. Also have you read the new Naruto chapter? Team 7 again with a slight sasusaku moment. Masashi Kishimoto you have heard our prayers.

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Sakura glanced back at her teammate, she shook her head. Why would he waste his time being in a relationship? Naruto stood at the gates with Hinata who was slowly adjusting his vest. Sakura rolled her eyes, they would stop in the forest far from Konoha and change into their Anbu uniforms so fixing his flak jacket was pointless, but of course they had to keep that all hush hush because in the eyes of the public they were simple Jonin. In Sakura's mind it was all stupid, she knew that everyone wears sleeveless clothing and some dumb ass will probably forget to cover it with makeup or a jutsu. Still every little Anbu detail had to be a secret. She did understand the downside of others knowing their true occupation. Not everyone was trust worthy, even her next door neighbor of five years turned out to be an assassin for Stone. One of the things that gave Sakura a shock was that Naruto who is known for his big mouth kept Hinata in the dark about his high rank. She watched as the couple kissed and embraced each other lovingly. Sakura touched her lips sadly, no matter how much she opposed relationships one thing that saddened her was that she had never been kissed. This was something that only her closest friends knew about, what 26 year old was still a virgin? more over never kissed anyone before. Being the discipline of the fifth always put her in the spotlight which was both a curse and beneficial. She pretty much had most of the villagers respect but if they found out about her nonexistent love life she would definitely be ridiculed. Once about a year ago a dinner was held for the Hokage's birthday and for whatever reason it was rumored that she had a boyfriend, which was an obvious lie. A prime example of the downside of being known, rumors. She didn't want to ruin her teacher's birthday by directing all the attention towards her and her lack of companionship. So she did what any other boyfriend-less girl would do, she brought Ten Ten's boyfriend Neji. At first she felt weird and guilty but it was Ten Ten's master plan and Neji was willing to act for a while. When they "broke up" a week later she was so relieved, spending time with someone for hours and hours each day was a major waste of time. There were way better things to do like training or working at the hospital.

"Naruto lets get a move on!" Sakura held her wrist up and tapped it indicating their tardiness. Naruto ran towards her "Sorry Sakura-chan, you see Hinata was helping me, isn't she the nicest and prettiest girl you've ever met?" Sakura groaned, if she didn't stop him now he would babble about Hinata the whole trip. "I know how great Hinata is but lets focus on our mission." Naruto's expression saddened at the mention of cutting his rant short. "Alright, let's go."

The pair stopped in the middle of the forest, Sakura immediately shed her Jonin outfit and slipped on her grey flak jacket,gloves, and special sandals. She made sure to use a henge on her hair, one of the things that she hated the most was her hair. Before she became a captain the other Anbu would laugh at the ridiculousness of her pink hair. Of course when her rank went up they didn't dare to tease her ever again. Naruto walked towards a tree with a large kunai mark in it and opened a secret compartment within the tree. They dumped in their Jonin outfits inside to be retrieved later. Suddenly another Anbu in a hawks mask appeared in front of them. "Taicho, my deepest apologizes for my tardiness." Sakura placed a white cloak over her uniform and nodded at the newly arrived Anbu. Sakura placed her cat mask over her face, it was specially made to have pink on it rather than the standard red or dark colors. The pink was something special, it gave her the ability to change color to blend in with her surroundings giving her the nickname Chameleon. "It's okay Sai, thank you for scoping the area ahead." Sai only nodded in response. They sprung up on to a branch and sped ahead, Naruto with his kitsune mask following close behind.

The trio traveled for miles until they stopped a few feet away from Sound. Their mission was to assassinate a man who posed a threat to Suna's safety. They never got the name of their target, only a picture and a reason why he or she was to be killed. It was quite unfortunate the target was still young, only in his late twenties and if he wasn't an sick bastard who tortured people Sakura would think he was rather cute. Sources said that he was leaving to capture an Anbu in Sand to get some sort of secrets regarding Gaara, who made Suna a peaceful land for the past ten years in his rule. Sakura was so curious to these secrets Gaara held but it wasn't in her place to say anything. She glanced at Naruto, the two had a bond with the presence of the jinchuriki in them. He may be able to find answers to her questions, but the mission was a priority at the moment.

The squad sat quietly on tree branches waiting for the man to emerge from the gates of the village. Just as their sources indicated he walked out with 13 thug looking men behind him. Sai was the first to make a move, he pulled his scroll from under his cloak and drew small birds. The ink on the page sprang to life and flew towards the man and his companions making them slightly disoriented as well as confused about what just happened. This gave Naruto a chance to create 12 shadow clones that sprung off multiple branches and snapped their necks from behind. As the target turned around Sakura disappeared from her branch and reappeared in front of the man. She swiftly pulled out her sword and sliced off his hands and feet in one graceful motion. Blood gushed in multiple directions, it spewed from his mouth in buckets and he spit a mixture of saliva and blood her. Sakura frowned, she was upset for many reasons. Not only did she have blood and spit staining her cloak but if it was black it wouldn't be as visible. Who even chose to have captains wear white? It was not only bright but eye catching as well. She slung the man over her shoulder and heard a beep. She looked at the man's back pouch and she slipped her hand carefully to retrieve it. She pulled out a silver ball with a red laser that shot up to the sky. Sakura saw this device before, but she couldn't exactly find out what it was. She froze, it was a calling beacon. She turned to Sai and yelled run. Within a few seconds a group of 50 sound nin surrounded them. They stood back to back in a triangular formation. Sai used his beast scrolls to draw different giant lions that tore the flesh off of about 15 of them. Sakura glanced at Sai and back at the bloody puddle on the ground. She harshly whispered into Sai's ear, "Way to be subtle Sai, we're supposed to be inconspicuous not leave giant patches of blood laying around." Sai turned his head down apologetically, "Forgive me Taicho, I will make sure to be more careful next time." Naruto faced another large group of Sound nin ready to attack. "Just watch, this is how you kill a bunch of assholes." He released a rasenshuriken that took out at least 20 of them. Sakura wanted to slap her hand against her forehead. "Seriously Naruto? You think letting out giant flashy attacks like that is better than Sai. One specific man stood right before her, she could feel a huge surge of chakra coming from him. He was the only one with a mask and Anbu like armor. who knew that Sound had enough capable ninja to be Anbu's. A new batch of Sound ninja stood behind him but he waved them off. They silently left without a word. She glanced at her teammates they needed to retrieve the target and bring him back for interrogation. She told Naruto to run ahead, she was an Anbu captain, a Sound Anbu couldn't be any match for her.

She took a fighting stance and awaited the Anbu's attack. Neither moved; she knew making the first move wasn't always the smartest things to do but she wanted to kill him quickly so she could reunite with her team. She lunged toward him and aimed a chakra filled punch at his chest. He just stood in place, not even making an attempt to dodge her attack. When her fist reached an inch away she was pushed back a few feet. Her eyes widened, so he was skilled enough to use chakra barriers? She smiled, this man may be a worthy opponent. She made a few hand symbols and disappeared in a flash. The wind blew as she reappeared behind him, she tried to punch him again, she was once again blocked by a barrier but she pushed through adding more chakra in her fist. His chakra barrier started to falter then he finally avoided her attack. It seemed like once he was in action he wouldn't stop. They threw a few simple punches and kicks before electricity covered his body. This wasn't the first time she'd seen this jutsu but she was in disbelief. This was Sasuke's jutsu. She ran and was electrocuted but still managed to knock his mask off. She could feel the jutsu on her hair falter just for the briefest moment, if he was really Sasuke he would catch it in an instant. After gaining her composure she got a good look at his face and her suspicions proved to be true. A more matured Sasuke Uchiha stood in front of her. He ran towards her and tried to take her mask off but only managed to crack it. She wasn't sure whether she wanted to injure him and haul his ass back to Konoha or assassinate him on the spot. She was smart enough to know that it was time to retreat.

The trip home seemed longer than usual, she reached the tree where her clothes were and changed into her much more comfortable Jonin uniform. She walked through the familiar gates of Konoha and breathed in the crisp air. She made her way towards the Hokage tower to collect mission details. A picture of Sasuke Uchiha kept on appearing before her. It had been years since she last thought of him. She remembered how it had been her dream to marry Sasuke and even have his children but who met the love of their life at twelve? She wondered what would have happened if she stayed and fought Sasuke. She'd probably run out of chakra and what would he do? Kill her? let her run? She suppressed a laugh at her next thought, would her childhood fantasies come true and he would marry her? She gave up on those childish fantasies a long time ago. Before she knew it she reached the Hokage tower.

"Tsunade-shishou?" Sakura opened the door and peeped her head through. Tsunade raised her eyebrows, "Yes, Sakura?"She opened the door and stood in front of Tsunade who busilly read and signed paperwork. "How was the mission?" Tsuande frowned, "You mean your team's misison?" She was visibly upset, "Well yes of course." Tsunade shook her head, "Look Sakura you're a captain, you don't just leave your team and fight some unknown ninja." She put her pen down and slammed the giant pile of papers down on her desk, "What if you got killed?" Tsunade was too tired to babble on and give Sakura a pep talk. She looked at the clock, it was already 1. "We apprehended the target,next time don't be 2 hours late."

Sakura walked home, trying to reflect on her actions. She couldn't believe how late it was, they left at 6 in the morning. It took about 2 hours to travel there and the job should have take less than 20 minutes. She counted the time in her head, Naruto and Sai must have gotten home at 11. She reached her small house and slowly unlocked the door. She called out that she was home but no one was there to listen. It was lonely ever since the incident.

She undressed and laid on her bed, blankly staring at the ceiling. She got out of bed and slipped on a robe. She pushed her balcony doors open and sat on the long bench that curve against the wall. It was a full moon and the beams seemed to light up her balcony in it's soft glow. She curled her legs against her chest, questions began circulating in her made this one target so special that Sasuke would try and save the rather pitiful man? Why would he even stay in Sound even though he had killed Orochimaru? She closed her eyes and she thought of Sasuke staying to be with another girl. I made her frown in discontent, what right does he have to love someone. He was a rotten bastard who turned his back to people that cared for him. He didn't deserve love as much as she did, the past creeps up to people. She knew this first hand. After hours of staring at the stars she drifted into a some what restless sleep filled with Sasuke Uchiha.

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Hope you enjoyed this. R&R


	2. Chapter 2

Another chapter, I wrote this at 2 in the morning and tried to edit it but I can't be too confident that it's good. Anyways enjoy reading.

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Sakura woke to the chirping of birds who sat happily on the trees below. A loud yawn caused them to fly away far into the sky. Her forehead was covered with a thin sheen of sweat and every joint in her body ached as she attempted to move from her previous position. She wiped her forehead with the back of her bathrobe, the thick material slightly scratching her forehead. She collapsed back onto the hard bench, she groaned at the feeling and realized that she was still outside. Truthfully she was a little shaken up, her dreams were identical to the one's she had 14 years ago. It was totally unbelievable, how was remembering something from so long ago even possible.

A 12 year old Sasuke would call out to her, a shy but content expression on his face. When he finally saw her face, a small almost shy smile replaced his usual brooding scowl. He held out his hand to her and the setting changed into a field of roses where they held hands and ran around. Throwing flowers and laughing until their throats were hoarse. This dream was a little different from all the ones before. It turned dark and all Sakura could see was Sasuke standing as still as a cardboard cut out in front of her. Her "dream" just ended there.

Sakura couldn't figure out what caused her head to be filled with Sasuke. She questioned her sanity, why do all these weird things happen to her? Was she having panic attacks again? She shook her head rather violently, a simple dream wasn't anything to be alarmed about. In fact they weren't anything like her previous attacks. She slid her glass doors open and entered her room, she liked the feel of the cool hardwood floor that transitioned into a small patch of carpet. She hastily tossed her robe and under garments in the hamper as she made her way to the bathroom. The whole rooms floor was padded in a thick layer of foam. After hitting her head against the hard tile she covered it all up. She pulled back the shower's door and turned the knobs against the wall, they creaked as a soft spray of water came from the shower head above. She stepped in the hot drizzle of water that initially burned against her skin. She thought deeper into what her dream meant and came to a conclusion; It was time to see her psychiatrist once again.

On the edge of Konoha a small building sat, almost blending into the forest. Sakura walked towards it, for some reason it looked a little older than she remembered. She counted the years on her fingers, 10 years. No wonder it looked so old, the once white paint stained a slight yellow color and it peeled off in certain places. She opened the door and was met with silence. Two chairs and a desk laid unoccupied all scattered in different places. She searched the first room and as she was about to venture into the next the door opened only missing her face by a few inches. A man possibly in his 50s opened the door. "Why hello Sakura, it's been quite a while." She agreed and walked into the small room, closing the door shut behind her.

They sat at 2 chairs parallel from one another, she sat and told him of her dream after seeing Sasuke for the first time in 9 years. "Very interesting, tell me why do you think you had these dreams?" She thought for a while, maybe seeing Sasuke again brought out the unresolved feeling she had towards him. She actually wasn't even sure how she felt about him. Was he an enemy? Did she hate his sheer existence? DId she still love him? She made a face, hell no. "I really have no idea." He listened to her response and the room became dead silent as he thought of what to say next. "Well tell me your thoughts about Sasuke, anything you feel is relevant." She didn't really know what to say but spoke what suddenly came to mind, "I guess I just don't want him near me, not because of hate but because he makes everything too difficult." He wrote down a few things that Sakura couldn't see. "Well tell me then, what makes your life so much more troublesome when he's around?" Sakura thought back on her words, what relevance did that hold regarding her dream. She wasn't too sure but she came to him for answers, he was the best and he would help her with whatever she needed. "I question myself more and more when I see him. He makes me feel so insecure as if I'm 12 again." Her psychiatrist tapped his pencil against his clipboard. "There it is." Sakura raised her eye brows, what had she said? "You haven't come to terms with your feeling for Sasuke, he just disappeared and left you to question yourself. Since he wasn't in your life you didn't think of him." Sakura didn't exactly get what he was trying to tell her. "Basically your relationship with Sasuke hasn't passed the time when you were teenagers. You are stuck with what you felt in the past and what you think about him now."

Sakura walked out of the building, the voice of the old man repeating in her mind. Your 12 year old dreams symbolize the love you still hold in your heart because he never really rejected you properly. Inside you still feel hopeful even though at the moment you feel like you don't give a damn about him. Just the picture of Sasuke standing before you symbolizes how you never ended or started a true relationship, he has always just existed. Sakura was sure that they shared a bond before he left, was that not a real relationship? She walked away to go train for a few hours, maybe to help her clear her mind.

Night came quickly and Sakura walked to the hospital where she would spend a good 24 hour shift of no sleep. She realized that she didn't really know the true Sasuke, she only knew what was written on paper and what she experienced in the short time she knew him. The psychiatrist was right, when Sasuke said thank you to her after confessing she never knew what to make of it. She thought her feelings just faded away. As much as Sakura hated to point out all the negative things she's done in her life she knew that she had a lot of things she needed to resolve. Maybe her next trip after work would be to the cemetery, it had been a while since she'd been there. It would be the first step to confronting the past.

The hospital was much quieter than usual, less patients needed her attention so most of her time was spent filling out paperwork that she put aside. Time ticked by minute by minute until morning rolled around. Shizune came by and knocked on her door, she snapped up immediately and hoped that she would have something meaningful to do. Her prayers were unheard when she found herself walking out of the hospital towards the Yamanaka's flower shop.

The tiny bell secured to the front door jingled as Sakura walked into the family owned flower shop. Her best friend sat behind the counter dozing off, almost falling off her stool. Sakura picked up 2 bouquets of forget-me-nots, she walked up to the counter and continuously rang the tabletop bell that sat alone on the right end of the wooden ledge. Ino rubbed her eyes and smiled at the sight of Sakura. "Forehead, I haven't seen you in days we need to have a hang out with everyone." Sakura giggled at her very messy looking hair. "Are you sure you can? I mean everyone has been busy lately, I didn't tell you this but Naruto is thinking about proposing." Ino's eyes widened and she squealed at the good news. "Calm down Ino, your really starting to sound like a pig." She made a mocking snort like noise that sounded more like someone with breathing problems. Ino glared at her then glanced at the flowers that sat on the counter. She grabbed each of them and wrapped them in plastic, then thick butcher paper. "It's been a while since you visited right?" Sakura nodded and everything was silent for a moment, the atmosphere changed drastically. "Just the other day we visited Asuma and Choji. You know Shikamaru and I" Ino still felt extremely emotional about their passing and visited regularly. "You know they will be happy that you're visiting them." Sakura pulled money out of her back pouch and slid it towards Ino. "This one's on the house today." She pushed the money back, Sakura picket it up and thanked ino with a nod. This trip wasn't supposed to be so damn emotional.

Sakura passed the third training ground and stopped in front of a giant dark triangular slab of stone with the names of ninja who were killed in action. She ran her fingers across the name that sat near the middle,_ Hatake Kakashi_. She sat facing the name and tightly gripped the flowers in her hand. "Happy birthday sensei, I'm sorry I haven't visited in a while. It's been hard and I wish i could've done more for you." She leaned her head against the stone and tears started streaming down her face, "I was there and I couldn't do anything for you, I'm sorry. i'm really sorry. I can't apologize enough times because I should've been the one that died." She took shaky breaths as tears still ran down her cheeks. "You know he doesn't blame you for anything and he chose to save you so don't wish all that misfortune on yourself." She turned around and wiped away her tears. "Yes I know this, thank you." She placed the flowers down before grabbing the hand that was extended towards her. "Who are you here to see? Neji." A slight breeze blew by making his hair blow to the side, he pushed it back and sighed, "Gai-sensei." They stood in silence and Neji placed the flowers down and put his hand on the stone. After a few minutes he let his hand drop back to his side, "Where is that second bouquet going to?"

Neji walked with Sakura through the gates of the cemetery to a tombstone located right in the middle. Sakura set the flowers on the ground, engraved were two names _Kizashi and Mebuki Haruno_. It was the anniversary of their death, although they were both ninjas they were killed by a giant explosion in the middle of the forest while they went for a simple walk. Sakura's spirits dropped, life was unfair. The faces of Kakashi, her parents and even Gai flashed through her mind. None of them should have been killed in the way they had. Sakura silently thanked her parents and whispered I love you before walking away in silence back to the busy streets of Konoha.

"Thanks Neji, for everything." They hugged and he patted her back gently, "What are friends for?" They waved back at each other and went their separate ways. Unknowingly an old woman witnessed the two friends embraced and soon gossip would race around like wild fire.

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So I really couldn't think of a super dynamic way to have Sakura's parents die, I'm not super creative in that sense.

R&R


	3. Chapter 3

Well this is a short chapter, but I still hope you like it. I'm not really sure how well this story is doing but it's part of my bucket list to finish a whole story so enjoy it or not, your choice

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Sakura was only 16 when everyone she loved started dying. With most of her team gone Kakashi was the only one left. He was there to support her during her long periods of training with Tsunade even though he would never actually help her. Apparently in his words he had nothing that would have been any value to her, something she never really figured out.

Each of her mornings would be filled with the smell and sound of bacon sizzling on the stove. The friendly faces of her mother and father would greet her. They supported her everyday, never failing to cheer her on. They were her own personal cheerleaders.

It was December and the first snow of the month fell in little specks from the sky. Her parents said that they would go for a walk to enjoy the weather, winter had always been their favorite month. They went out unknowingly to the forest where they would spend their last moments together. One comforting thought was that at least they died together, her mother or father wouldn't be able to handle losing each other.

Sakura's world came to an abrupt halt, she would try and tell herself that everything would be okay. They wouldn't want her to be this way, they would want her to continue her daily life. She tried and tried but depression slipped over her like a dark blanket. She wouldn't eat or sleep, days faded into nights and days changed to weeks. Everything started to blur together. Being the great sensei he was Kakashi started coming to Sakura's house every morning and cook her bacon and toast, just like her mother had. Slowly but surely color was drained back into her life and she had Kakashi to thank for that.

January rolled around, the start of a new year, but to Sakura she wanted it to be a whole new life. Moving on was hard but she wanted so badly to continue being herself. Tsunade sent her and Kakashi on border control, it really should have been easy enough. Dozens of Jonin and Chunin gathered to watch over the peace. Usually it would be calm and they would have fun talking and joking with one another. That day was different than the others before. Rogue ninja attacked, left and right people were dying. Pools of blood trickled together into one sea of sticky red liquid. Sakura froze, it was like seeing her parents remains again. Fresh blood staining the snow came to her mind. She was too distracted to even notice the nin holding out his sword to stab her right through the heart. She was saved when Kakashi stood in front of her to protect her resulting in his death instead. Once it was all over she was forced to carry his body back to Konoha. She always thought that it should have been her. She was the one who wasn't paying attention. He should have worried about himself, but he always put others first. A trait Sakura hated from that day on.

With the death of Kakashi, she finally cracked. She climbed up to Hokage monument and stood there looking down on the village. All she wanted was to see everyone she loved again but what some say was luck although she would disagree Naruto came and caught her before she fell to her death. She couldn't exactly remember how long she had stayed in the hospital but when she got out everything seemed different. She would spend her time indoors and never trained anymore. She finally gained the courage to get up and grab her kunai but as soon as she touched the metal weapon the sight of Kakashi's blood spraying everywhere would come to mind. She hyperventilated and cried into her hands until her eyes turned red. Soon her parents came into her dreams calling to her, saying I love you.

One day her vision blurred and she saw blood seeping from every wall. She ran to the bathroom to splash her face with water but when she looked into the mirror she saw her eyes bleeding dripping down and forming to hands that pulled her to the ground making her totally black out. The next morning Naruto went to visit her, he was truly scared that he would hurt her but it seemed like she really needed his help. He rang her door bell and waited, she would always leave her key under the doormat so being impatient he opened her door. He wandered around and found Sakura sprawled out on the ground with blood matting her hair. When she woke up she was laying in a hospital bed with friends crying around her. Many apologized for not helping and she could see the sadness and guilt in their eyes. She understood, it wasn't their fault it was hers.

The next day she started meeting with a psychiatrist who helped her talk out her pain. She spent most of her time crying there but she found that she had laughed for the first time in months. As a year passed she had returned to her old self. She was accepted with open arms. She would hang out with Ino, Hinata, and Ten Ten or maybe eat ramen with Naruto. No one had ever mentioned her past again and for that she was extremely grateful.

She now stayed indoors for a whole other reason, to study, but she got out of the house more than she had before. Training and training until she sweated enough to look as if she had just taken a shower. Looking back it was probably one of the things that helped her get out all the sorrow and frustration she had. It all went up hill from there, she would laugh and smile even more than she had ever in her life. She continued to train with Tsunade who convinced her to take the Anbu exam. Sakura was happy to have such great people in her life. Kakashi and her parents could never be replaced but she had a whole other family that carried her on to the present 26 year old Sakura Haruno.

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So that's Sakura's anxiety. I know I could've elaborated on her rehabilitation and it may have been cheesy but still review. review. review.


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